Daily Journal Prompt #1

We're getting deep and personal with this first journal prompt. What is my biggest fear and why? The first part of this question is easy to answer, so I'll start with this: My biggest fear is not leaving a legacy.

The why is much harder to answer. I think it all stems back to me not having children. It definitely wasn't in the cards for me to have children of my own, and maybe I'll adopt a child later in life. But for now, I'm childless and that has always bugged me to the core.

Growing up, I wanted to be a wife and mother...and also a teacher and marine biologist (so I could work with dolphins). None of which ever came to fruition! But that's another story for another time. I had fertility issues that I didn't learn could be fixed until I was much older (and single) and getting close to the end of the best-egg-options age.

When I realized I couldn't have my own kids, I thought that I would never be able to pass down the life lessons I've learned. That I would never teach my child how to cook, read, ride a bike, or become an awesome citizen in society. That no one would remember me when I'm gone. Now that I look back, the desire to leave a legacy was self-serving.

I got depressed thinking that maybe I didn't have anything to share anyways. Who was I to have to leave a legacy? Why am I important enough to even have a legacy? What would I teach? Why would my lessons be helpful for anyone else's journey?

What I didn't think about in my depression surrounding being childless was that there are other ways to get involved and help others in their experiences. I remember telling a friend this and he asked something that has stuck with me since. "Why does your legacy have to be children?" He pointed out that it could be through my work, my book ideas, volunteering, and other ways that reach people. BLEW. MY. MIND! Of course it doesn't have to just be children!

So knowing this now, I have to rethink what my biggest fear is, because I CAN leave a legacy in other ways. Rethinking it all, I have to change my answer:

Hi, I'm Nichelle and my biggest fear is dying alone without love in my life...at least until I learn how to work past that one too.

What's your biggest fear and why?